WASHINGTON, DC – Jan 5th, 2027 – A stretch of I-495 outside of D.C. became the scene of the worst traffic accident in U.S. history early this morning. The initial cause of the pileup remains unclear, but several auto manufacturers with models involved in the crash have already issues press releases to exculpate themselves from blame.
Ford-Dodge spokesman David Crudge had this to say: “At Ford-Dodge, we have been advocating for an auto-drive standard for almost a decade. Some of these foreign cars just don’t know how to drive themselves. In Asia, they might be comfortable with eight inches between bumpers, but Americans expect more. We have always adhered to the eighteen-inch guidelines. We shouldn’t have to wait for tragedies like this before we all start driving on the same side of the road.”
Several passengers shaken up from the incident had their own opinions:
“These German cars are nuts,” Mick Felman said while being tended to by paramedics. “They don’t give way.”
Kate Walker was near the front of the pack when the madness began. “It was horrible,” she said. “I was just minding my own business, texting a friend, and BAM!”
78 are dead. Names are being withheld until families receive their auto-notifications. The cause of the accident is still under investigation, and until authorities know more, a twelve mile stretch of I-495 has been relegated to manual-driving only. Meanwhile, tensions between auto manufacturers and their parent nations are heating up in what may be the worst case of international road rage in world history.
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